The Highly Responsive to Prayers was the very first Touhou game created in the history of ever. However, if you didn’t know, it’s not a shooter. Yep, that’s right, uninformed: the VERY FIRST Touhou game, which the franchise is considered a series of insane patterns, was not what it is today.
The main character was Reimu Hakurei, obviously, but she had purple hair and a traditional shrine maiden outfit, unlike the nice one ZUN invented during the Windows era. But in this game, she doesn’t even fly and she can’t kill enemies to save her life. Instead, she counts on the help of the Hakurei ying-yang orb, which looks like a giant fuzzy pillow to me. If the ying yang orb had feelings, it would be crying buckets, because in order to kill enemies and knock out cards, you have to smack it around like hell. It gets very annoying, too, especially with the fact that the orb kills you when it lands on you. Take that, you yingyang abuser bitch.
GRAPHICS
ZUN’s art was even worse then it was now. I know it’s the PC-98 era we’re talking about here, but COME ON. It looks like he was screwing around in MS Paint for a few days and learned how to draw. Also, his hands are PARFEECT.
The bullets that appear when you’re fighting enemies AND the bullets that appear after you are in a stage for a while are all the same shape, size, and color. Talk about dull!
Half of the bosses that you fight look like pieces of shit. I’m serious. Take that Shingyoku bitch, for instance. First she’s this really crappy ying-yang ball that looks like it has blood veins or something. Then she’s this red-haired girl — and tell me, how does a YING YANG BALL turn in to a GIRL — that, according to Touhou Wiki, is a priestess. It looks more like a Mary Sue to me. Finally, she’s a pri…Aren’t priests MALES?! What was ZUN thinking?! Better yet, what was ZUN DRINKING?! Clearly Shingyoku’s a girl from the name and the second form, why suddenly turn her in to a transsexual?! What the hell?!
GAMEPLAY
Oh dear god, here we go:
You use Z and X to smack around that ball. You can kick, swing around your gohei like a psychopath, and fire amulets to smack it around and also clear bullets. Be careful, because one fuck up and you’re dead. That’s how difficult this game is. The stages are really weird; you got to clear cards as if you were playing that one game with the pong stick and the blocks. Except with ying-yang balls, a shrine maiden, and a mirror of rural era Japan. Yeah. And if it takes you long enough, bullets will start falling from the screen like snow. It gets really annoying sometimes, trying to concentrate on aiming a ying yang ball so it gets all the cards and doesn’t hit you while at the SAME TIME you’re trying to dodge bland bullets. Jesus.
Oh, and you pick a route to go when you beat that transsexual yingyang I was talking about. She’s the first boss. Also, there’s 20 stages no matter what route you pick. And when you beat the game, there’s no Extra stage that you’ve unlocked, so, what the fuck?
ALL IN ALL
This game is a piece of shit in the terms of Angry Video Game Nerd, but it’s a good game to play when you’re insanely bored.
By the by, a famous someone is on the first part of the Jigoku route. Can you guess who it is? You’ve been wanting her to reappear in the Touhou Windows games, come on, you know…
